20 10 / 2014

I could lie. Stuck in the middle of this. time, and space, are things I need. I think.

But if I go. Will you love me?

Will you want me to come back?

If I go, will you love me when I come back?

How long could you wait, until you tell me that its too late, And if I leave, will it end? will you leave , me again?

Will you love me?

Will you?

20 10 / 2014

When you walked into my life with your mighty shoes on, I thought id be ok cause you made me feel somehow safe. I gave too much to you, you took it all away. I lost it. And now i’m taking it back. Control. I woke up here, and you’re not here. Some dreams start out as dreams, and turn into nightmares. A lot of mine have you in them. I’m not yours anymore, picking my tears off the floor.  I’ve been here too long, and everything is changing. going through the same thing, i’ve been hurting too long, so baby here it goes. I cant bare this, and it hurts me. It kills me, I hate this, why does it have to be like this. I hate it. I’m screaming. Help me, god please no, I’m crying with all the words you say to me. Oh god help me please. I cant. I cant let you go. No. I cant. give it back. control.

20 10 / 2014

Forgive me.

I hurt. I don’t know why. I’m angry. I hate myself. For hating you. Talk that talk to me. Tell me anything, I don’t care as long as you say something. I have no idea where to go in this sea there are no lights here in the darkness and all I can seem to figure out is that I just love you and as I feel the tears behind my eyes, I feel myself choke on the words I want to say to you. I’m dying, with every breath I take and you think that you’re getting better but you’re getting worse, I can see it. laziness takes you over and I just go the exact opposite way. HELP I’m losing you and I cant bare it. When you go I feel relief, but I wish your tense love would come back to me. Please don’t go. you’re the only string pulling on my heart, dear god help me I have no idea where to go in this darkness. I can see the light although the bars trap me in this anguish. Unchain my heart. Set me free. She’s a girl gone wild. Seeing through her smoke, through the glass. I cant reach, im not strong enough, dear god help me, Im glad you came, but please, please. please. Don’t go.  

03 8 / 2014

As I lie here I feel you with me. Words cannot describe what I want because I don’t know what it is. I just miss you I guess. I just long to feel your arms around me always. There is never a moment you hold me that feels unsure. Never too close. Why aren’t you here. I need you. It’s the truth. I love you. I know that you’ll be laying in the same way I am, watching as you usually do. I can smell the same thing I did on that first night, and I didn’t realise in that awkwardness that you would become such a big part of me. That I would long to be where you are, or long for you to be where I am. I do love you.

08 7 / 2014

Stay up with you all night. Cause I don’t want to miss a moment.

Pray to god he hears you. Because you’re screams are so deafeningly silent that I can’t hear you anymore.

You begin to wonder why you came. Retrace your steps to find where, somewhere you lost out. Why you end up here every time.

I’ll stay up with you all night because I know how to save your life. Please stay with me. Don’t leave me alone in this wide world. This tiny world that is caving in on me. I only pretend to be the strong one I was lying, help me, don’t leave, hear my plea, I cant do this without you I really cant. Help.

I feel helpless in this whirlpool you’re creating. And you’ll just run, and as if I stand in quicksand I will sink with every minute, and my heart sinks too because you CHOOSE to go. You are going to throw me away, and now I feel angry but my love stops me from feeling this pain. So I’m left here in limbo, and you’ve escaped. Left the wreckage. Thanks. Once again, I will have to pick up the pieces. Gather the ashes. And free them to the wind.

Don’t let me go. Please.

24 5 / 2014

Who am I to you. Do you think this ok? You’re wrong. You’re not sorry. Stand in my shoes and try to pick up my pieces quicker than I can throw them away. Try finding me when I have hidden from the world.
You think you’re transparent? Fuck that. That’s why people walk all over you. That’s why I can see straight through you. The truth is, you’re not. You’re whole. And now you’re not the only one torn up. You’ve shattered my heart, you fool. Go on. Try pick up the pieces now.
I dare you.

06 5 / 2014

Please wrap your drunken arms around me.

I understand her. I have a brand new cure for lonely. you.

Is this love? Maybe someday. Don’t turn on the lights. the dark speaks the truth. You drink like I never could. so please get me drunk and wrap your drunken arms around mine.

I’d give you what you like if I could. Just give me what I need. But you give me all I don’t. You give me the things I need like a hole in my head. Maybe another cigarette. Is this love? Maybe one day.

Please tell me I’m the one and only. Please just lie. Or just pretend its right.

Give me what you like.

21 4 / 2014

I always seem to find you. Keep moving back and forth until I reach a point I realise that I can hold you, but only part of you, always.
In everything I find myself looking out my window in the hopes I get one last glance at you before you disappear.
In every way I love you more that my words can allow me to express, and more than anything in my life at this moment, and this being the reason I just want to hold you, and never let go.
In every song I realise you are the words. And I figure out that you are my muse.
When we were 2, I was enchanted by you, and we became 1 quicker than I could fall.
In every word I try to catch myself from falling, but then I realise, I’ve already fallen, and now I lay on the ground, in your arms. Fallen, is an angel that protects her sister. And her embrace heals my soul. She protects me from myself. You allowed me to fall; into your arms
In every way, I love you.

15 3 / 2014

So I did. I took a leap and wrapped my arms around what I thought was happiness only to find that what it was wasn’t real. The feeling in my arms was hollow, and I can’t figure out why. But you didn’t want it there. Didn’t want me to stay, but you’re the only one who loves me enough; to let me go.

27 1 / 2014

You’re amazing, and you don’t even know it. You’re too perfect. The feeling I have when I’m with you, you’re my dearest, most gorgeous, loving, vulnerable, heartfelt friend I have ever been this close to. Babe, you absolutely leave me breathless because I know, that no matter what, you won’t let me down. You’re committed, just as I am, to this roller coaster that is life, we say, bring it on, cause I’m holding your hand. And you hold my heart.